Thirty Questions - Day 6

Question 6 - What is the most difficult thing you have ever experienced as a parent?


Uuuuumm... being a parent? Waking up at crack of dawn every morning? Ok, ok I know those don't count. The easy answer would obviously be Madelyn & Georgia's some what dramatic birth. Digging deeper...

The most difficult thing is not one specific moment for me. The only way I can think to describe it would be, finding my parenting niche. I had all of these ideas and plans for what kind of mother I wanted to be and for the most part they hold true BUT as the girls have grown (because they are SO old, right?) I have become a little lost in my goals and often find myself wondering what kind of mom I want to be now that I am here and in the thick of it.

I see other moms I admire and think "ooh I want to do that" only to discover, that isn't REALLY me and it doesn't REALLY work for our family. I try to trust my insticts while still learning and changing the things I do, the ways I parent and live when I see a better way.

I'm not going to lie, it's trying for me when I see those moms accomplishing what I want to be accomplishing. Exploring the world with their beautiful children who have just finished their organic lunch full of vegetables and tofu and thoughtful conversations. You know, the ones who still fit into their pre-baby jeans and have that well rested look and perfect hair... and clean cars. Oh how I want a clean car... one not covered in small fragmented pieces pf cheerios. Yes, I hate them and want to be them... but then I realize it's ok that my kids had a donut today. I forgive myself for losing my cool with them when they repeatedly demanded (fill in the blank) in shrill tones. It's ok that I look like a hot mess because I cancelled my last haircut appointment to go swimming with my kids. It's even ok that I have cheerio dust on my butt when I get out of the car.

Soooo... to sum it up. I think it is most difficult for me to forgive myself for not being a perfect mother, for not always knowing where I stand on the important issue but being able to give myself (and Craig) credit for exploring different options or choices to find what DOES work for our family. I know, no one is perfect.... but this is a pretty important job, this mom thing and I would like to be as close to perfect as I can get.